


Even Tough Guys Have Needs

by FlyBoy



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-07
Updated: 2011-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-15 11:51:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyBoy/pseuds/FlyBoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the toughest, most hardened, reserved, uptight, fiercely independent man has needs -- even if he's not so good at telling others about those needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Tough Guys Have Needs

It took Lorne only one encounter with his commanding officer to realize that something wasn't right. Sheppard was usually fairly upbeat, bordering on ebullient, some would even say childish at times. However, none of those words could be accurately used to describe the Sheppard Lorne was observing at that moment.

Just when Lorne was about to ask John if what was wrong, they were interrupted by someone with some urgent question that didn't amount to anything. A moment later, once again alone in the quiet of their office, Lorne decided to take the bull by the horns.

"Is everything ok, Colonel? You seem quieter than usual today."

"What? Oh, yeah, everything's fine."

Lorne didn't believe him for a minute but at the same time didn't want to push him either. Sheppard was a man of many talents, but sharing his emotions was definitely not one his talents. Lorne remained quiet for the moment but decided that he would keep an eye on the Colonel to see if his unusual behavior continued.

Sheppard and Lorne worked quietly at their computers for awhile. Any question Lorne asked was answered with a one-word or short sentence answer. As lunchtime rolled around, Lorne asked, "Want to get some lunch?"

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry. I think I'll skip lunch today."

"Can I bring you something?"

"No, thanks, Lorne. See you later."

Lorne looked at Sheppard with concern on his face. Sheppard's head was down as he continued reading the screen of his laptop. Lorne was becoming more concerned – something was definitely up with Sheppard. While the man was thin, he never willingly missed a meal, partly because he viewed meals as an important socialization time to spend with his team. Skipping lunch on what was basically a quiet day was out of character for him.

Lorne walked to the Mess Hall where he grabbed a quick sandwich. Teyla and Ronon were at their usual table by the windows so he swung by to say hello. Ronon was just leaving, but Teyla appeared settled in with a fresh cup of tea. Lorne pulled up a chair and asked, "Teyla, have you seen Colonel Sheppard today?"

"No, I have not. I thought I might see him here for lunch. He was not here earlier for breakfast either." A look of concern passed over Teyla's face. "Is something wrong, Major?"

"I don't know. He is acting a little odd today. For one thing he's in his office – he doesn't spend a lot of time in his office. He's been there all morning. For another, he's quiet. No joking, no conversation. Anytime I ask him a question I get a one-word answer and nothing else. He's not his usual self, but I don't know why."

"John is usually a very up-beat person – full of life, as your people would say."

"Yes, although sometimes a little too full of life!"

They shared a chuckle before Lorne excused himself. "I want to get back and keep an eye on him."

"Major, please let me know if you learn anything."

"I will, and likewise."

Lorne walked back to his office where he found Sheppard exactly where he had left him a short time earlier. Returning to his seat, Lorne tried to surreptitiously see what Sheppard was doing. Unfortunately, though, the configuration of their office space made it impossible for him to see what was on Sheppard's laptop screen.

After an hour in which the only sound was the tapping of fingers on the keys of two keyboards, Lorne finally turned around in his chair to face Sheppard, and said, "Ok. Colonel. What's wrong?"

Looking up, Sheppard had a bewildered expression on his face. "Nothing's wrong, Major."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Of course."

"Bullshit, John. You're not acting like yourself. Something is wrong. Why won't you tell me? Maybe I can help."

"Sorry, Major, but nothing is wrong. I didn't sleep very well last night so I must be off my game a little bit today. Sorry about that."

"Um hum. I see," Lorne responded, not believing it for a minute.

They returned to the previous quiet, with Lorne's frustration growing by the moment. He knew his commanding officer as well as anyone did, and something was very definitely wrong.

Lorne scowled as he tried to focus on the screen of his laptop. He was wrestling with a spreadsheet of munitions inventory updates, so detail mattered, but he found himself unable to give the task the full attention it needed. His progress slowed to a crawl and was slowed even further when every few moments he would turn his head toward Sheppard to see what he was doing.

As Lorne watched, Sheppard turned from his laptop and started reviewing requisition forms, signing each in turn. For one, Sheppard never reviewed requisition forms, and he certainly never signed them. For another, he was paying entirely too much attention to the detail on each form, even correcting spelling on the requests. In all of his years on Atlantis he had never once witnessed this happen. Lorne was the one who was always stuck with reviewing requisition forms. He wasn't unhappy to have less work to do, but the sudden change in behavior gave him further cause for concern.

Not only did Sheppard review and sign the forms, but he reviewed and signed every form waiting – a not insignificant stack. Then, to add insult to injury, he started separating the copies of the forms into piles, sorted by color and distribution. After 30 minutes of separating the huge stack of forms, Sheppard neatened the piles, placed them sideways to one another and picked them up. He placed the top copies in Lorne's in box before walking from the room with the other copies – without say a word.

Lorne didn't even know that Sheppard knew the forms were multi-part, let alone knew the distribution protocol for the copies. Lorne stood from his chair and headed toward the door, prepared to follow Sheppard. He paused after only three steps, though, not entirely sure how to explain his actions to Sheppard if he caught up with the man. He certainly didn't want to be accused of stalking the man. But he was worried. Something was most definitely wrong.

Lorne remained in his office but was unable to get his mind back on his work. After an hour passed with no sign of Sheppard, Lorne used his connection with Atlantis to locate the Colonel. On the Ancient pop up display he saw the Colonel's life sign moving towards the labs. Lorne figured that Sheppard was on his way to see McKay, which he hoped was a good thing. McKay was able to get to Sheppard when no one else could, although Lorne never had understood their friendship.

But the life sign indicator showed Sheppard move past McKay's lab and enter a room three doors past Zelenka's lab. Lorne knew this to be Zelenka's distillery room – everyone knew that Zelenka was running a distillery making the equivalent of top notch vodka with some of the local grains. Lorne didn't see any other life signs in the distillery. Sheppard only stayed there a moment before leaving and heading to his quarters.

Lorne's confusion only increased. Sheppard never returned to his quarters during the day – the man barely went there to sleep. And the life signs indicator showed him stationery in his quarters. Lorne knew that Sheppard's team had not been off-world for a couple of weeks so he doubted alien-possession as a plausible explanation.

The life signs indicator showed Sheppard in one place for the next hour. When he moved, the indicator showed him heading down a series of hallways that led nowhere they usually went. Lorne watched the indicator with increasing curiosity and concern, wondering what was going on. Over the next hour, Sheppard's life sign moved continually toward the most distant pier in the city, finally coming to a stop on an unused landing pad.

The entire city had been mostly explored but Lorne could not see any reason why any inhabitant of the city needed to go where Sheppard was at the moment. Sheppard's life sign was once again stationary. Lorne stood beside his desk for some time, monitoring the signal. The man was so distracted that he was unable to focus on any of his work. His nerves were a knotted mess. He knew something was wrong but he didn't know what to do. He wanted to do something. He was trained for action – for doing – not for ignoring.

When he grew weary of standing in one place he paced a little. Their office was not a large space so pacing was somewhat limited. After a half hour with no change in the display, Lorne realized that he desperately needed to pee so he made his way to the closest rest room. Not dawdling at all, he was back at his desk in under a minute. He needn't have hurried – Sheppard's life sign was still in the same place it had been when he left.

Lorne's attention was pulled away by his radio. While he didn't want to leave, duty called and he had to head to the Control Room to talk with an off-world team. One thing led to another, which led to another, and then another. Before he realized it, four hours had passed before he was able to get back to his office. Lorne figured that Sheppard was long gone from the distant pier by this time, so he was quite surprised to find Sheppard's life sign in exactly the same place – he hadn't moved an inch.

"All right, enough of this!" he muttered to himself as he sat down trying to locate any sensors/cameras that might be in the Sheppard's vicinity. It took awhile to find one camera that was functioning – camera repair was not high on their priority list. The camera Lorne located was not conveniently positioned and was at some significant distance from where he wanted to focus, but nonetheless it allowed him to confirm that Sheppard was where he thought he was.

Sheppard appeared on the screen simply sitting on the landing pad near the water's edge, occasionally sipping something from a canteen. After studying the man for a few minutes Lorne could detect no movement and couldn't see that the man was doing anything except staring at the ocean. By his count, that made something like five or six hours Sheppard had been sitting in the same place doing nothing.

"All right, enough is enough," Lorne said in frustration. He turned off the camera feed as he headed out of his office. "Of course he would have to pick the farthest part of the city to have his personal crisis." With a determined look on his face that told anyone he encountered to leave him alone, Lorne walked briskly to the nearest transporter. Even using the transporter network he was still looking at over an hour of walking, less if he ran. And he was just pissed off enough to run it at this point.

Exactly 35 minutes later Lorne slowed to a walk, drenched in sweat and breathing hard from his run. He had not taken the time to go to his quarters to change before setting off for the pier so he was overdressed for the warm day. Checking the life signs indicator, he saw that there was no change in Sheppard's position.

With the same determination in his step, Lorne stepped out of the building and started the long walk across the huge pier to where Sheppard sat. The sun had set hours earlier, but fortunately, due to Sheppard's presence, the city had provided some lights when they were necessary. The tightness of the connection between Sheppard and the city never ceased to amaze Lorne.

Finally getting close to Sheppard, Lorne slowed his step. He stopped about five feet away since he didn't want to surprise the man – Sheppard was, after all, sitting on the pier with no guard rail of any sort. Sheppard showed no sign of realizing that Lorne was standing beside him.

"John?" Lorne asked quietly.

After a moment of silence, Lorne looked up slowly. He softly said, "Hey, Lorne. What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you. Are you ok, John?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm great, Lorne."

"Can I join you, John. I've been walking and running a long ways."

"Sure. Lots of room here. Take a load off."

Lorne sat down next to John. The two sat quietly for a moment. Without a word, John held his canteen out and asked, "Drink?"

"That's a good idea. I sweat a lot getting out here."

Lorne took a deep drink from the canteen, Lorne's eyes went wide and he started coughing. "Good God! What is that?" he sputtered. His eyes watered, his throat burned, and he coughed.

Sheppard's expression never changed. "Zelenka's home brew. It's got a little kick to it. The little guy knows how to make some good shit, doesn't he?"

As his eyes and throat cleared a bit and his breathing returned to something close to normal, Lorne asked, "Is this what you've been drinking all afternoon?"

"Had to. Finished the first one a few hours ago. Had to have something."

Lorne sat quietly studying the man. He had never been more disturbed by the man's behavior before, but this episode was increasingly scaring the hell out of him.

"Why, John?"

"Why what, Lorne?"

"Why did you come out here and drink all afternoon?"

"It's personal, Lorne."

"I've spent close to ten hours worrying about you and all you have to say is 'it's personal'? No, John, you've got to do better than that!"

"No I don’t. Don't I get to have some privacy, something personal?" he answered with a sudden vehemence.

"Yes, John, you have a right to privacy. But you have to remember you also have friends. I consider you my friend, John. I hope you consider me your friend, too. I'm asking you what's going on, John, because I see you hurting and when you hurt I hurt, too. That's the price of having friends, John. And like it or not, you're stuck with me."

Sheppard sat quietly for a few moments contemplating Lorne's words. "Thanks, Lorne. I appreciate that. And yes, I consider you my friend. Actually, since I came to Atlantis I've had some of the best friends I've ever had in my life." They sat quietly for a moment before Sheppard continued. "Sad commentary on my life. I've got the best friends of my life and still no one knows me."

"You're a hard man to know, John. You hold us all at arm's length a lot of the time. You keep your emotions and the details of your life pretty secret."

"True," he admitted. "I'm sort of a stiff upper lip kinda guy."

"You mean stick up your butt kinda guy, right?"

"I like my phrasing better, thank you very much."

"We'll call that point a draw."

"But it doesn't change my original point. You all know me better than anyone ever has. But the way I've lived my life has trained me to keep myself protected – the fewer people you let in, the less you get hurt. Except sometimes."

"What hurt you, John? Please tell me."

"It's selfish. It's nothing important."

"Bullshit. You are hurting worse than I've ever seen before. So, yes, it's important."

Slowly John nodded his head. "Maybe."

"Talk."

A few moments of quiet followed. "I'm just a little down, Lorne."

"Clearly."

"I've got the best friends I've ever had – and still no one knew."

"What, John?" Lorne asked quietly.

"Usually it wouldn't matter. Most years I don't pay much attention myself, but this year got to me a little. Kind of surprised me, I must admit. It only happens once. I know it shouldn't bother me, but this was a big one, a milestone of sorts."

"Go on."

"I turned 40 yesterday."

Lorne inhaled sharply, hoping that Sheppard didn't hear. "I didn't know, John. A belated happy birthday."

Smiling his impish little smile, Sheppard half-looked at him and said, "Thank you." They sat quietly together for a few moments listening to the sounds of the ocean – the waves gently lapping at the base of the city, the sea birds that seemed to be present on every planet, the gentle sounds of the ocean breeze.

"Like I said, most years it barely registers with me. Sometimes I almost forget it's my birthday. I don't know why this one is getting to me. It shouldn't be," he said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself of the fact.

Lorne kept his mouth shut, understanding that Sheppard simply needed someone to listen. "It wasn't until last night when I sat alone in my quarters – and it just hit me like somebody threw a brick at me – today's your birthday, and you're 40 fucking years old! And no one even knew.

 

"I don't know if I should be happy or depressed by turning 40. I guess I should look at the positive and say that it means I've now started the second part of my life."

"Well, speaking as someone who's watched you for a few years, it's going to be pretty hard to top the last few years. I mean, journey to another galaxy, fighting space vampires, capture, escape, imprisonment, enslavement, rampaging robots, … want me to go on?"

"No, I get the picture."

"I'm sorry I didn't know, John. I don't think I've ever known when your birthday was … just like you probably don't know when mine is, either. I'm not sure if Teyla or Ronon even have birthdays. And McKay, well, let's just say I'm not going anywhere near him whenever he turns 40."

"On that point we agree."

"You're a good man, John Sheppard, and I count myself as lucky that our paths have crossed in this life."

"Thanks, Lorne. But I need you to promise me something."

"Ok. What?"

"You cannot tell anyone about this. And I mean it!"

"Why not? I mean it's your 40th birthday! Like you said, this is a milestone! Such things should be celebrated!"

"Lorne! My birthday was yesterday. It's over. It's history. Let's just let it go, ok?"

"But I don't want to," he whined a little.

"Lorne! If you ever want me to confide in you again, you've got to promise me this!"

Frowning, Lorne finally said, "Ok. But I agree under duress."

"I don't care, so long as you agree." Sheppard took another swig from his canteen, which he found to be empty. He upended it and shook it, hoping that there might be a few more drops left.

"So, John, can we go home now? My butt's getting cold sitting here."

"You should have planned ahead like I did, Lorne. Zelenka's hooch takes the edge off. I can't even feel my butt," he said with a goofy grin.

Lorne stood and held his hand down to help Sheppard to his feet. In the end, it took more than Lorne's hand to get an inebriated Sheppard to his feet. The first step was reminding Sheppard that he really did have feet. With an arm around a very unsteady Colonel, Lorne breathed a little easier once they were back away from the edge where they had been sitting. It was, after all, a good hundred feet down into the cold water below, and no one knew the two of them were out there.

With a few tips and a couple of near misses with walls, Lorne managed to get a mellow Sheppard back to his quarters and into his bed. He filled a glass with water and left it on Sheppard's bedside. Sheppard laid in bed, propped up a little on his pillow, tucked under his blanket, his hands folded behind his head with one of those patented Sheppard grins on his face.

Lorne simply asked, "What?"

"I'm glad you're my friend, Lorne."

"And I'm glad you're my friend, too, John. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"You're going to feel like warmed over day old dog shit in the morning. You are going to be sooo hung over!"

Smiling, he agreed, "You're probably right."

"Get some sleep, John. I'll check on you in the morning. Good night, birthday boy."

"Good night, Lorne."

Lorne exited, dimming the lights behind. Sheppard was fast asleep less than a minute later.

As Lorne had predicted, Sheppard did feel like hell the next morning. True to his word, Lorne reappeared shortly after Sheppard awoke, bringing with him several bottles of water and a bottle of aspirin. Sheppard's first words to him were simply, "I think I'm going to die."

"No you're not. You only wish you could." He gave Sheppard some aspirin and some water and then got him into the bathroom, waiting outside while Sheppard showered. Stumbling out of the bathroom wearing a towel, Sheppard did look pitiful. It took him a while to get dressed, far longer than usual.

While Sheppard dressed, Lorne heard McKay's voice on the radio. "McKay to Sheppard. Where the hell are you?"

Lorne answered. "McKay, this is Lorne. The Colonel's not available right now."

"What do you mean 'not available.' Where the hell is he?"

Just as McKay asked that, Sheppard got his feet tangled in his underwear and feel to the floor, bumping his head on the edge of the bed. Lorne jumped up to help him, yelling, "John, are you ok?"

McKay heard Lorne's shout and asked, "Lorne! What's going on?"

Frustrated, Lorne said, "I told you he's not available. You're a smart man. Figure it out. It's not complicated. Now I'm busy." Lorne disconnected the transmission, knowing instantly that this was going to come back and bite him in the butt. At the moment, however, he was more concerned with making sure Sheppard wasn't badly hurt.

"Crap," Sheppard said, rubbing his head. "What couldn't I have done that while I was drunk and feeling no pain? But no, I have to wait until every nerve fiber in my body is working overtime before I bang my head. Damn, that hurt."

Lorne spent the next hour convincing Sheppard that he should really stay out of sight for the day and try to get some rest. He was finally able to convince Sheppard that he really wouldn't be of much use to anyone in his current condition. Lorne got him a cold wash cloth for his head, closed the window shades, and got the Colonel settled back into his bed. When he offered food, the Colonel glared at him. "I'll take that as a 'no'."

Needing to get to work, Lorne used his gene to ask the city to turn off his door bell. Lorne also snagged the Colonel's radio ear piece, placing it across the room on top of his dresser, out of sight and hopefully out of mind. "I'll be back in an hour or so to check on you. Need anything?"

"Just a gun to shoot myself."

"Anything but that?"

Glaring, he said, "No."

Smiling, Lorne exited and made his way to his office. At his desk he debated how to best put people off from bothering the Colonel without arousing too much attention. He knew that there really was no good way to handle this so he eventually simply sent an email message to all senior staff informing them that Colonel Sheppard was unavailable for the day; anything urgent should be brought to him in the Colonel's absence.

Not ten minutes had passed before the door to Lorne's office opened. For the first time he could ever remember, Dr. Weir entered. He couldn't remember her ever coming to his office before. With a look of concern on her face, she said, "I saw your e-mail, Major. What do you mean that Colonel Sheppard is 'unavailable'? Is there something wrong? Something I should be aware of?"

"No, ma'am. There's nothing wrong."

"I don't believe you, Major. Where is the Colonel?"

"He's unavailable, ma'am."

Sighing, Weir said, "All right, I'm asking as his friend, not as the expedition leader. Where is the Colonel?"

"I cannot say, ma'am."

"Where is the Colonel?"

"He's unavailable, ma'am, and you can stop asking. I'm not going to say anymore."

"Major, I appreciate your loyalty to the Colonel, but I'm worried about him. He's never 'unavailable.' Something is up and I need to know."

"Dr. Weir, please leave it alone," he asked. "You're right – the Colonel is never unavailable. So he's entitled. Even he deserves – hell, especially he deserves – some time to be left alone occasionally. He's not available. You need to leave him alone for awhile. Everyone needs to leave him alone for awhile. Please."

Beginning to sense whatever was up was quite unusual, Weir asked, "You know what's wrong, don't you?"

Staring at her with his best poker face, Lorne answered simply, "I cannot tell you. And if you are his friend, you will not ask and you will leave him alone. We all need to leave him alone for just a little while."

Studying him, Weir asked, "All right. But I really wish you would tell me."

"I promised. And I will not break my promise to him."

Sighing, Weir turned back toward the door but hesitated when Lorne spoke. "Dr. Weir, I've been completing requisitions for the next run of the Daedelus. I wonder if you could help me with one thing. Would you be able to review a couple of personnel files and …" – thinking quickly, Lorne said, "and … tell me who might have any terms of service for which I should order special recognitions? You know, like five years of service, 10 years of service, maybe something like that."

"What are you saying, Major?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Nothing, ma'am. I'm just asking for your assistance. You can probably limit your search to say senior staff, perhaps just the males, probably just the military members."

"All right," she said, not entirely sure what Lorne was telling her.

"Remember, ma'am, demographic information only." He paused momentarily. "Perhaps I could walk back to your office with you and you could take a look now?"

Still confused, but curious, she nodded her assent. Together they walked through the busy hallways of the city to Weir's office where she sat at her desk and entered her password to access personnel records for everyone in the city. Looking at Lorne, she repeated his earlier instructions, "Demographics for the male military members of the senior staff, right?"

"Start there, yes."

"That is fairly easy, since it's just you and Colonel Sheppard. I'm going to assume we're not talking about you. Retrieving Colonel Sheppard's record, she started reading through key demographic information. Her eyes skimmed over his enlistment date, his dates of transfer from one assignment to another, his date of birth … something caught her eye. It took a moment before she realized. "His birthday was …"

"And?"

"There's more?"

"And?"

She looked back to her screen and noticed the year. Quickly doing the math, she said, "Oh, not only was it his birthday, but it was his 40th birthday!"

"Really? That's a big milestone for some, isn't it, ma'am?"

"Why, yes, Major, I think it is."

"Just thinking aloud here, ma'am, but – again, just thinking aloud, here – wouldn't you, for example, hope or think your friends – someone, anyone –  
might know and might say something?"

Leaning back in her chair, Elizabeth Weir sighed, "Why didn't he say something?"

"Theoretically, of course, but someone who's never had many friends – oh, hell, he's a stubborn SOB who doesn't let anything out. We should have known, somehow, we should have known. I feel terrible. But please leave him alone today – he's not feeling well, physically, and he really just needs to rest for now. Can you do that for me, ma'am?"

"Yes, Major. I can do that. Now what should we do about this?"

"Personally, I would like to throw the biggest party this city has ever seen, but I know if I did that the Colonel would probably never speak to me again and would probably assign me as the first human liaison on the nearest Wraith hive ship."

"Why don't we throw a small big party? Perhaps a nice cake. I've got a bottle of champagne I've been keeping for some special occasion – this seems like a really special occasion. I think we should keep it small – maybe just you, me, McKay, Teyla, Ronon, Beckett. Anyone else?"

"Like I said, my instinct is to do something huge, but I think in this case your idea is better than mine. And remember, of course, that I didn't actually tell you. I might have led you pretty close to the truth, but I didn't tell you."

"No, Major, you didn't break your promise. And thank you very much for being patient and leading me so carefully to the truth. It will be our little secret. When should we do it?"

"He should be back on his feet by tomorrow."

Her eyebrows rose in curiosity. Lorne noticed but warned her sternly, "Not a chance. I'm already going to be in the dog house as it is. You'll get nothing further from me, even if you use torture."

"Very well, Major. I won't ask. Tomorrow evening, maybe about 7, in the conference room. Let's gather there a few minutes ahead of 7 to surprise him."

"Good plan, ma'am."

"I'll talk with the cooks and see what they can do for us, and I'll get the champagne chilling. Maybe Teyla can make a quick run to the mainland and pick up some of those purpose strawberry-like things that the Colonel seems to enjoy. Maybe we could even convince Rodney to give up some of his precious chocolate collection so that we could do chocolate dipped purple things."

"Sounds very appetizing, ma'am. I've never understood his fondness for those things. Personally, I find them vile, but it's his party, not mine."

Weir smiled. As Lorne headed toward the door she asked, "By the way, Major, when is your birthday?"

He smiled. "Do I sense a tradition starting?"

"Perhaps. We spend so much of our time just trying to survive, maybe we should occasionally celebrate the life that we fight so hard to preserve."

"I couldn't agree more! But at the moment I need to go check on the man in question to see how he's doing."

Lorne walked out of Weir's office and made his way up two levels and down the connecting hallway to the door to Sheppard's quarters. When quarters were originally being assigned, Sheppard had selected quarters for himself that gave him quick access to the Gate Room. With the later discovery of the transport system throughout the city a number of people had moved from the small, cramped quarters near the Gate Room to more spacious quarters elsewhere in the city. With the transport system everyone could be many places in the city very quickly. Sheppard had never bothered to move to more spacious quarters, by default simply staying where he had first camped out in the early days.

Lorne waved his hand over the sensor by Sheppard's door, entering quietly when the door automatically opened on his command. The first thing he noticed was that Sheppard's bed was empty – rumpled and clearly slept in, but otherwise empty.

The sound of water running in the adjoining bathroom alerted Lorne to Sheppard's likely location. Lorne pulled out the desk chair and sat down to wait for Sheppard to finish in the bathroom. A few moments later the shower turned off, and a moment after that a totally naked – and incredibly hot – John Sheppard walked into the bedroom.

"Colonel," Lorne said.

Sheppard jumped at least six inches off the floor, coming down in a fighting crouch. "Jesus, Lorne, you trying to give me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, sir. Just came to check on you to see how you're doing. And to bring you some coffee and a muffin."

With no sign of any embarrassment at all, Sheppard simply walked over to the desk and picked up the coffee, putting both hands around the cup, lifting it, and inhaling the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee. The man's eyes closed as he inhaled the smell of the coffee.

"Should I leave the two of you alone?"

"Quiet. I'm having a moment."

"I can see. Actually, I can see a great deal at the moment."

"What?" the man asked innocently.

"You're kind of naked, Colonel."

"So? I just got out of the shower. You've never seen a naked man before Lorne?"

"A few times, sir. I've just never seen one quite so comfortable in their own skin before."

"What's to be embarrassed about? I've got what approximately half the six-billion people on Earth have got. No big surprises. I've never understood why so many people are uncomfortable being naked."

"I guess it’s a throwback to the old Victorian days. Everything was pretty much covered up completely back then. No one showed any skin."

"One more reason I wouldn't do well there. Now shut up and let me enjoy the smell of this coffee."

"You're welcome, sir."

Glaring somewhat at the man, Sheppard said, "Thank you. Now shut up."

A final deep pull of the smell followed by a few sips and a smile appeared on the hung-over man's face.

"Ok. You can talk now."

"You feeling any better, sir? You look a bit better."

"I slept a few hours, drank some of that water you left for me, and took a shower. I've got to say, showers are what set us apart from the animals. I could not live anywhere that had not invented the shower." His eyes fell to the muffin Lorne had brought, "Ooh, what flavor?"

"Your favorite, sir, cranberry orange."

"Gimme."

"Again, you're welcome, sir."

"Must you do that? Thank you. Satisfied?"

"For the moment."

Sheppard pulled out the other chair at the desk and sat down opposite Lorne, shoving his laptop computer aside so that there was room to tear the muffin apart without getting crumbs on the keyboard. He took a bite of the muffin and moaned softly in pleasure. "Those are so good. I don't know what we did before shipments of muffin mix started coming on a regular basis."

"We all lost weight from trying to eat the local produce, that's what we did."

"Don't remind me. There's only one local thing I really like."

"Those strawberry-like things?"

"You've go it."

"They do taste pretty good, don't they."

"When I'm in the right mood I could make a meal out of those alone."

"I'll take your word for that, sir. So, the fact that you're eating something tells me that the worst of the hangover is past?"

"Mostly. I'm not ready to go sparring with Ronon or have McKay yell at me, but I'm almost feeling human again. I'm just grateful that everyone has left me alone so I could sleep for awhile. That never happens." Sheppard looked up with sudden realization. "That never happens. How did you do it, Lorne?"

"Again, sir, you're welcome."

"Thank you – this is getting old – now how did you do it?"

"Simple. I just yelled at them and threatened them unless they left you alone. It took different decibels and different threats with different people, but it worked. It's also been a relatively quiet day so you haven't missed anything."

"Thanks, Lorne."

"There you go! You got it! You're welcome, sir!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"What would you do without me?"

"Don't make me want to find out!"

"You couldn't survive without me, sir."

"I can survive just fine, Lorne. I think just recently I demonstrated that I know how to work my email, review and authorize requisitions, distribute copies – do all the things that come with advanced civilization."

Frowning, Lorne had to agree. "Damn, there goes my job security."

"Ha! Just you remember it, too." Pausing for a moment, Sheppard added, "Although you did sort of save my ass recently and somehow got me back here. I really don't remember most of the trip back. I hope I didn't sound too much like a whining wuss."

"No, sir, you didn't. And I'm glad I could help. I'm glad I could be there, sir."

"Lorne, I'm sitting here naked, moaning over coffee and a muffin after you dragged my drunken ass back here and kept everybody away so I could sleep it off. I think you can drop the 'sir' and call me 'John'."

"Thanks, John. It sort of destroys the hard-assed Colonel image when I remember you bouncing off the walls because you couldn't stand up straight. Thinking of you as John in that instance works better for me."

"Thanks. And again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have whined."

"John, if I may quote you: Shut up! Don't you dare to apologize to me for what happened. The last time I checked, you are human with the same feelings and emotions and needs and wants as anyone else. In fact, just a few minutes ago you were telling me that you're just like half of the people on Earth – the male half, I believe."

Sheppard looked down at his crotch and then nodded, "Yup, the male half."

"You don't just have the same anatomy, you also have the same needs and wants as anyone else, so I don't want to hear another word of apology. Do you hear me?"

"Are you threatening me, Major?"

"Evan is threatening John. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Again, if I can quote you, John, 'drop the sir.'"

"I'll work on it. This is all kind of strange for me."

"Well, get used to it. We're gonna start working on giving you some more time to relax and let things out once in awhile."

"What? Are we going to 'bond' or something?" he said with a mocking note in his voice.

Lorne simply smiled an evil little smile and said, "That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Uh, oh," was all Sheppard said in response. A moment later he stood up and said, "I gotta pee. I'll be right back."

A moment later he was back, still stark naked, plopping himself back down in his chair. He pushed the chair back from the desk to allow room for his long legs and sat back, studying the man in front of him.

A bit nervous, Lorne asked, "What in the world are you thinking, John?"

"How I'm going to repay you for what you did for me."

"I didn't do it to get something in return, John!" he said in frustration.

"What can I do for you, Evan?"

Lorne sighed in frustration. "It's as if I'm not even talking."

"Well?"

"What?"

"What can I do for for you?"

"I don't know!" Saying the first thing that popped into his mind, Lorne said, "Teach me how to be as comfortable in my skin as you are in yours. I could never walk around naked in front on someone else."

"I can try. It might take a while. You sound fairly prudish about your body."

"I am many things, John Sheppard. But 'prudish' is not one of them. I have a great body and I am very proud of it."

"Just so long as you don't have to show it off to anybody, right?"

"Right."

"Ah, I see."

Placing his head on his hands, Lorne leaned forward and groaned in frustration. "John Sheppard, I don't know why I put up with you."

"Simple. Because you love my winning personality, stellar leadership – not to mention my incredible body."

"Oh, yeah, he's back. And on that note, I need to get back to work since I'm working for two today."

"You may leave, but we have a date to start working on your body issues."

"And I do not have body issues! Glad you're feeling better, which you obviously are since you're tormenting me."

"Bye, Lorne. And thanks."

 

The next day life pretty much returned to normal. No one asked where Sheppard had been the day before and neither of the men who knew volunteered any information. The day was largely uneventful, a welcome change of pace in the Pegasus galaxy.

With nothing big happening, Sheppard had gone to dinner and was prepared to knock off for the day a little early. At about 7:00 he was startled to hear Elizabeth's voice come over his earpiece. "Weir to Sheppard," he heard, with a note of anxiousness in the voice. "I need you in the conference room immediately, Colonel!"

"On my way."

About 45 seconds later he ran down the hallway outside the Gate Room, sliding to a stop at the door to the conference room. He had no idea what was up, but didn't expect it to be good news. Therefore, as the door slid open he was stunned to be greeted by his friends and teammates shouting "Surprise!"

Momentarily speechless, Sheppard's eyes were as wide open as possible, trying to make sense of the site that greeted him. His eyes landed on Major Lorne, burning with upset, "You rat bastard! You promised!"

Elizabeth interrupted the start of his tirade. "The Major didn't tell anyone anything. He wouldn't even give in to the threat of torture. I couldn't get a word out of him, so don't blame him."

Lorne added, "Listen to her! She figured it out all on her own."

"Yeah, right. Of course," he responded suspiciously.

"It's true, John. But that's irrelevant, happy birthday, John. You are now officially our 'senior' expedition member."

"Ugh," he groaned.

Teyla and Beckett echoed Weir's birthday wishes. McKay even sort of smiled and said, "Yeah, what they said, I guess."

Sheppard's eyes landed once again on Lorne. "You're sure you didn't tell her?"

"I'm very sure. I did not tell her anything. She even threatened to lock me in a room with a hypoglycemic, hyper-caffeinated McKay, but I held my ground."

"Very funny, Major," McKay complained. "I'll have you know that many people would give anything to be in a room with me."

"Until they're in a room with you, then they'll give anything to get out!" Ronon half joked.

Weir took charge of the gathering and guided Sheppard to the centerpiece of the event – a large, traditional, beautifully decorated birthday cake, complete with candles.

"We have cake and I even broke out my last bottle of champagne that I've been keeping for a special occasion. Your 40th birthday seemed like the perfect occasion." She and Teyla lit the candles – yes, there were 40 of them.

"Quick, John, before the fire suppression system comes on, make a wish and blow out the candles. And remember, you've got to get them all at once!"

Teyla and Ronon shared a confused look. Lorne explained, "Strange old Earth tradition. You make a wish before you blow out the candles on your birthday cake. Your wish doesn't come true unless you blow out all the candles on your cake with one breath. And you can't tell anyone what you wished for before you've blown out the candles."

They looked at one another, once again wondering how such strange people had managed to open the Stargate system and travel between galaxies.

"Don't worry," Lorne added, "none of us know where it originated. It just is tradition. I bet that no one in this room could tell you where the custom came from."

"Then why continue the custom, Major?"

"Because it’s a tradition. Our parents taught us, their parents taught them, and so on. It just is."

Sheppard took a deep breath preparing to blow out the candles.

Lorne snapped a quick picture of Sheppard with his lungs full and his lips puckered, ready to blow – not the most complimentary picture one could take of another human being. "Careful. Don't hurt yourself."

Sheppard gave his best glare but started to blow out the candles on his cake. He managed to get all the candles with one long breath, but panted when he finished. "Geez. You think you could have spaced them out a little more!" he asked.

"Just wait until your 50th birthday!" Lorne joked.

"I'm busy that day, Major."

Elizabeth popped the cork on the champagne, pouring a glass for everyone which Sheppard cut the cake. Beckett helped to get the cake pieces onto plates and passed around.

Elizabeth raised her glass and said, "A toast! To John Sheppard, a man we're all proud to call 'friend.' We wouldn't part with you for anything in the world! Happy Birthday, John."

"Here's to many, many more," Beckett added.

"And may they all be happy!" Lorne added.

Several of them remarked on how good the champagne tasted. Elizabeth wasn't sure if they were just out of practice, or if this really was a very good bottle. There was a time when she knew wines very well and could tell tasting whether the grapes had received morning or afternoon sun, and whether they were harvested early or late. But those days were long past. While the Daedelus kept them well stocked with food, wine and champagne were not on the approved import list – although for the right price or with the right friendship with someone on the Daedelus crew, anything could be arranged.

A few minutes later, Sheppard said, "I really wish you hadn't done this."

"When Dr. Weir approached me with the idea I thought it was great!"

"You would, prude boy."

"Excuse me?" McKay asked. "Lorne is an artist and artists are typically not prudish – anything but prudish."

"Private joke, Rodney." He paused. "You know, I can't remember ever having a birthday party before, ever."

"You're kidding," McKay exclaimed. "Even I had birthday parties while I was growing up – whether I wanted them or not!"

Shaking his head, Sheppard tried to remember ever having a birthday party. He was not able to recall such an event, for himself or for his brother. It just wasn't something his family did. He remembered going to other kid's birthday parties but didn't remember having one of his own.

He took a bite of his cake and was surprised at the taste. "This is really good!"

"The newest chef we got was a pastry chef prior to her coming here. She is quite accomplished with a variety of desserts, as I'm sure you'll all be learning in the weeks ahead."

"Does she know anything with chocolate?" McKay asked, his eyes dancing with delight.

"I do believe that she does, Rodney," Weir answered with a certain degree of satisfaction. "Speaking of which, Rodney made a contribution to your birthday party, Colonel."

"Not willingly!" he added.

"Aw, thanks Rodney. I'm touched you thought enough to complain about giving me something."

"Shut up, Sheppard. She took my chocolate!"

"No!" Sheppard baited him.

"Yes!"

Bringing out a tray with John's favorite fruit from the mainland, each carefully dipped in chocolate that formed a half shell over the purple fruit, Weir presented the treat to the birthday boy.

"Oh, wow! Now we've got a party! Gimme."

With a look of delight on his face, Sheppard bit into one and moaned with pleasure. "Ummmm, these are so good." He finished one and started another, the juice from the fruit dripping down his lips onto his face. "So juicy, so flavorful, just incredible. This is better than sex," he added.

"I wouldn't remember anything about that," McKay complained.

"Me either, Rodney," Sheppard responded.

"What! Captain Kirk is complaining about not getting any?"

"You are the only one who is under the impression that I'm, as you put it, 'getting any'. While lots of people for some unknown reason come on to me, I always say no."

"Um huh, that's right. You are so full of it!"

"I do say no, Rodney! Can we please talk about something else? It is my party, after all."

"Now who's the prude, Colonel?"

"You still hold that title, Major."

"Are you going to let us in on the joke, Colonel?" Beckett asked.

"No," was his only reply. "Where did you get these," Sheppard asked, holding up the tray of rapidly disappearing purple fruit.

"Teyla and Ronon made a trip to the mainland and went picking this afternoon. Dr. Beckett flew them over – he needed the practice."

"He still does," Ronon muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I got you there and back didn't I?" the doctor complained.

Sheppard stood back and listened to the banter between his friends. Looking up, with fruit juice dripping down his face and coating his fingers and chocolate on his lips, he caught Lorne's eye and the two shared a quiet smile. Without speaking the words aloud, he mouthed "Thank you" to Lorne, who smiled back at him. Sheppard realized that these people were more than friends – this was his family – and he was home.


End file.
